try to avoid `insert` races in `FederatedInstanceService`
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All threads resolved!
What does this PR do?
Despite the cache, different processes can race to insert a row for the same remote host.
This is particularly apparent in our unit tests, with test/unit/activitypub.ts randomly failing.
This is a (somewhat clumsy) attempt at working around that race: trap the "duplicate key value" error, and fetch the record.
Tests pass, with or without values in the cache.
PLEASE DOUBLE CHECK MY LOGIC!
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